Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Funny News - 13 June 2012

It's a.....(Half baked)........Baby!!

Can't bite the head off first!!
Ever thought to yourself how difficult it can be getting a card for a new arrival.

Never fear - go one better, and order a cake.

The difficult bit being which part to bite first???

It's a Pig, nope, it's a dog!!

Remember a TV programme in the UK called "That's Life".

All I can say to this is.............Saus-sa-ges!!!

Hot under the collar

Ok, so maybe way lower than the collar, but I'm sure the man in question got steamed up about nothing really.

Although why his wife was complaining as well I've no idea.  Was she in the loo with him at the time???  And if so, doing what I may ask??

God Bless.....everyone else really!

Well, it's a long time coming, but it sure is good to know that America are finally beginning to follow in the footstep of us British, by pampering to the politically correct, and letting patriotism begin the rocky slope to the self-erosion of national identity.

Take your pick
We, in the UK, can proudly call ourselves English.......................or Scottish......or Irish or fact we're jolly pleased to be able to allow anyone to call themselves Islamists/Christian/Catholics/Jesuits/Mormons/British Jews/Black Carribean/Black African/Bangladeshi/Chinese/Indian/Pakastani/Asian/Mixed Race or just about any creed or ethnic group you want really, hey we don't discriminate (well, not much really) we even allow Jedi to be an official religion here in the UK.

May the farce be with you!!

Gossip as you go

As an idea, this one will travel.

Cars talking to each other - I can picture it now.

Ford Mondeo:  Let me pass please. Beep-Beep!
BMW: No way sonny.  Stay behind me you rust bucket whilst I'll swing by this 'ere Trans-Am.
Trans-Am: Huh!! (Changes into second and pulls away) Ha Ha
A Aston-Martin, Ferrari and a Lamborghini whizzes past however - meiow
Little lady on a 50cc moped overtakes them all: Take that suckers!!! (machine-gun fires into crowded freeway as vehicles pull over).
All vehicles subsequently heard whining to Ford Crown Victoria Police interceptor - It REALLY was Bugatti Veyron Super Sport officer

Watching Porn will make you blind

No, seriously.  Well, for the females that is.  Us men seem to have built up a natural immunity to this problem (ahem).
The new sex study shows that watching hard-core erotic films reduces blood flow to the visual cortex of healthy, heterosexual women, blurring their eyesight.
There you go then. Although the thought crosses my mind (no, not that particular thought), does this mean that porn actresses could sue film makers for involving them in movies which will make them blind???  Surely an industry related accident waiting to happen???

Daft I know, BUT anything's possible!!!

Cheaters never prosper!!

But doesn't mean to say that you can have a damn good try.

Although, surely it must have been a bit suss if the boy in question walked awdwardly into the exam room looking like he'd put on weight overnight, or even the sound of crinkling paper as he walked past might have alerted officials.

Still, let's just put it down to creative thinking on his part.  Still - Nul points.

Funny Condom Slogans

I couldn't link to the site in question so copied and pasted this as it is funny, and naturally, I just wanted to share.

Nike Condoms – Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms – The ride of your life.
Vauxhall condoms – Raising the Standard!
Sony Condoms – Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms.
Microsoft Condoms – Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms – Finger Licking Good.
Burger King Condoms – Home of the Whopper.
M&Ms Condoms – Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Galaxy Condoms – Why have rubber when you can have silk.
Minstrels Condoms – Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Muller Light condoms – So much pleasure, but where’s the pain.
Safeway Condoms – Lightening the load
Tesco Condoms – Every little helps
Sainsbury Condoms – Making life taste better
Abbey National Condoms – Because life’s complicated enough
Coca Cola Condoms – The Real Thing.

Thought for the Day

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

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