Friday, 1 June 2012

Funny News - 1 June 2012

It's been a poor week for amusing stories.  I'm extremely disappointed with them all. Can we get some more idiots out there please or we'll just have to put this week down to 'Keep your idiots indoors' and move on.

Strip and it's Free

Well, almost.  You only get an extra day's van-rental out of it, but it hasn't stopped folk from peeling off their clothes to stop peeling off money.

I just hope that the guys who's manning the security cameras haven't asked for overtime.

Brings Tears to your Eyes

Do they have people with containers in hand, ready to pounce on any unsuspecting persons who bursts into tears???  Or worse still, to they have test subjects and then subject them to various stimuli and when bucketfuls are shed do they mop up the leakage??
A spokesman for the company said that each salt had a distinctly different flavour.

Seriously??  What flavours will it come in??? Like, Salty,or gritty, or 'hint of eyeball', 'Here's one in the eye', or 'Poke your eye out'.

I'd rather not.  Not somebody else's tears, no thanks.  I'll just sit here and cry to myself.

Feel the Force!!

Times must be hard, when there's no hint of further film work ahead of you. Reduced to robbing the bank, our Darth must be feeling the force.....of impending bankrupcy.


Darth: "You, give me all your money or feel the power of the force."
Bank Clerk: "Sorry, have you got an account with us?  You'll have to fill out a withdrawal slip sir."
Darth: "Do you not know who I am?? I'm Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, Vader the most horriblest Evil, the oncoming nightmare, Darth Vader Van Trapp Vicious the third."
Bank Clerk: "I don't care who you are.  Just fill the form in please sir."
Darth: "But....but....I'm Vader....I'm am master of all.......Oh, alright then, where do I sign?"

It's Real Life

Finally, after all these years, the females in Japan have come to realise that playing on the computer (or consoles) is as good a reason as any for divorcing their partner.

Be wary though as the man could be on 'Second Life' and he may have already been divorced there too!!

But, let's be fair.  A divorce should be decided only after a one-on-one game of Tekken on the PC.

Winner takes all.

A Bus Moon

The bus drivers wife explained to the father that her husband “doesn't know how to handle children; he shouldn't be doing the bus”.
Hey, I say he done alright.  Throw the swine off the bus and you'll be certain he won't do that again in a hurry.

Cold Calls

Oh man, finally, when the cold calls become too much, one man, in a bid to save his sanity, has resorted to changing his name, by deed poll, to Mr Tim P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Price.

Genius.  I like the guy already.  I'd give him a ring, but I just don't want to make a fool of myself by either inavertedly omitting a P, or adding more.

Let off with a stern Warning

Was gonna make a funny comment here but instead will have a little bit of a rant here.

I personally think it's highly disconcerting that a group of supposedly intelligent guys (ok, at 18 that's pushing it a little) would surely consider that they are messing around with somebody's career and livelihood.

They might consider it a bit of harmless fun, but for Miss Warning, she has studied, and worked hard to get where she today, and is doing something that she wanted, and possibly loves her job.

For them, it's just a 'harmless joke' and they possibly didn't even consider that her feelings will get hurt. They can 'grow up' and have a career while they have effectively put a black mark on her career, if not ruined it.

I wish in cases such as these that the boys are penalised as well.

Holy Crap Batman

Good Golly Miss Molly, get a jolly from your lolly.

Bit steep though just for a lolly!!  And gun shaped??

Let's lock and load.....and flake out!

Just plain Retarded

Whatever next??

Well, it's better than having to name the doll something like 'Norweigan' :)

Cabbage patch doll it ain't but least if you have a boy in the family, he can beat the crap out of it, and behead it and 100 other mutilations, and you won't mind that much.

Thought of the Day

How can someone "draw a blank"?

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