Monday, 15 August 2011

Littering from vehicles

When travelling on the highways and byways of your particular country and you happen to come across people throwing litter from their vehicle onto the road, do not necessarily chastise them.

Oh no, for remember kind folks, it is these generous people who most kindly are doing their bit for the road and street cleaners of this world to stay gainfully employed and so help unemployment from increasing.

So next time you see the sweetie wrapper discarded from a speeding van, do not cuss, swear or be irate.  Smile, and know that the street cleaner’s job has been made that more secure, and relax in the knowledge that those items of garbage will be collected and added to the recycle pile and thus help make this planet a more environmentally safer one.

So – litter away my friends.  You are helping your government keep unemployment down, helping our fellow man (or lady) street/road cleaner, and all along, you are being GREEN!!!!

Isn’t this just a wonderful world

Thursday, 24 February 2011

Dribs and drabs

The poor little boy only wanted to bring his friend home to stay!!!! Well, not quite.
"She said she was alerted to the reptile's presence by her three-year-old son, who was patting its head"
An attentive mother clearly, who obviously thought her little boy had enough of playing with the pet Fido - but how an crocodile manged to enter the house in the first place is surely a mystery that only the mother can explain.

The local zoo denies it's outsourcing policy had any involvement.

But please folks, remember, no animals were harmed in the making of this news article.  However, several men were stranded in the nearby cemetary, whilst 200 trees bravely sacrificed their lives to ensure a safe passage for the torrent of surplus rainwater.

Well, reading through this article, one thing sticks out to my mind.

"The US government recently cleared the company after an inquiry into reports its electronic throttle system had led to unintended acceleration"
Unintended acceleration???  (Which delightful bunch of lawyers took a three hour meeting to determine this phrase I wonder, purely on retainer I hazard a guess)

"Oh sorry Officer. I couldn't help but do a little 'unintended acceleration' there. I'll attempt not to do that again but I can give no guarantees, after all, we do have these little.....'accidents' "

Toyota has said that.....
" was unaware of any injuries related to the recalls"
No - of course not.  Those folks are dead, being involved in accidents due to...... 'unitentional acceleration'. 

BUT should you find yourself in a speeding Toyota, here's what you can do (borrowed from another website with my ever so helpful tips added to it in brackets).
  1. (Panic) Don't hit the brakes on a runaway car (it might take offense). When the accelerator is stuck, the brakes can't engage properly. Try pumping the brakes to see if that helps. Although, based on driver reports from those who've experienced a runaway vehicle, don't expect pumping to do much.
  2. Shift into neutral instead. If that is not possible, or does not work, then turn off the car at the ignition (where else would you turn off the car??? and wouldn't this be the first thing to do??, even before panicking). Shutting off the car may cause serious damage to the engine but could also save your life (you don't say). Note that you have only seconds to act and that the sudden surge in acceleration will throw you back. Some fatalities seem to have been more the result of being thrown back by acceleration which didn't allow enough time for drivers to recover (Really - I thought the fatalities occured cause they died).
  3. Pump the brakes gently once in neutral and coast to the berm (assuming you've reacted quickly enough in the few seconds of dear life you have left, and wasn't throw back, or panicked or did something else completey stupid instead).

  4. Turn on the hazard lights (Yeah - that'll help).

  5. Shut off the car (WTF!!!!!)
  6. Anticipate a runaway situation whenever driving a Toyota vehicle (WHAT!!! Toyota - you make cars, not planes) until the root cause of the problem is identified (better still, and here's a newsflash, simply don't drive the toyota!!). Keep an eye on the accelerator and keep your hands free (but preferably ON the steering wheel).

  7. Prepare for a runaway vehicle. Practice quickly shifting to neutral while driving in a parking lot (Oh dear lord - as if parking in a parking lot isn't bad enough without madcap zany Toyota drivers practising to pretend they're a plane and attempting takeoff with appropriate vocal sound effects) .

Government 'to miss Neet target'

Well, for starters, they can ensure several of them can be employed to come up with a better acronym.  Or it is being trendy by encouraging 'yooth' culture with incorrect spelling???

 Bombs away!!!

Ok - Bit of an extreme reaction I must say, so what exactly did G W Bush's house ever do to him??  I ask you!!

Doctor Who Trailer

In case there are a few like minded (Ok - read that as sad) individuals out there interested in Doctor Who.  A trailer is now out 'there'.

On this day

1821 - Mexico gains independence from Spain
1924 - Mahatma Gandhi released from jail 
1968 - 1st pulsar discovered (CP 1919 by Jocelyn Burnell at Cambridge) 
1981 - Britain's Prince Charles announces engagement to Lady Diana Spencer 


1966 - Billy Zane
1965 - Kristin Davis
1947 - Edward James Olmos

1993 - Bobby Moore, English soccer team capt (World champs 1966)
2006 - Dennis Weaver, American actor (b. 1924)

Thought for the day

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon



Monday, 21 February 2011

It's only Scotland

Well, it seems somebody somewhere wishes it to be brighter in the evenings.  Else their eyesight is going!!

It seems the main argument to resisting any change is that it creates some additional danger in the morning when the children are going to school.

So, lets counteract that claim - switch on your headlights eh??? and if you're walking, walk on the pavements (sidewalks to some) and use a torch, and reflective materials.  Or better still - don't have kids.  Ok, that last suggestion might not work as well. Well, it would (solves the problem) but then no more humanity!!!!! (Least there'll be peace on earth then, lol).

Tis not Cricket
So, the world cup is in doubt???

50 Overs seems to be too long-legged and is now on a sticky wicket with the Extra Cover it requires seeming to be no more.  The Short leg version (of 20 overs) is taking more of a fast pace towards dominating the cricket scenery.

Anyone say Duck???
The umpire, having been called Backward-square, took offence when the Maiden (over by the Gully), appealed to the silly mid-on who was actually all around her in the covers, insisted that she was single but he found her to be well wide of the mark.  The bowler, having been creased up about this, is resorting to bodyline bouncers.     

The Captain, having bailed out, was in the middle of a collapse when the duck entered the frey. To say he was stumped is an understatement.
Oh, thats enought of the references, it's just not cricket!!

On this day

1431 - England begins trial against Joan of Arc 
1782 - US congress resolves establishment of a US mint (tasty too)
1878 - 1st telephone book issued, 50 subscribers (New Harbor, Connecticut) 
1922 - Great Britain grants Egypt independence 
1931 - Alka Seltzer introduced (and has been repeating itself ever since)  
1964 - UK flies 24,000 rolls of Beatle wallpaper to US (no mention of how much was sent back)
 1972 - Richard Nixon becomes 1st US president to visit China
1981 - "Yorkshire Ripper" Peter Sutcliffe, murderer of 13 women, captured 

1986 - Charlotte Church (OMG, she's that young....oh dear)
1979 - Jennifer Love Hewitt
1955 - Kelsey Grammer
1946 - Tyne Daly
1946 - Alan Rickman


1437 - King James I of Scotland (Yeah, who!! Exactly)
1945 - Eric Liddell, Scottish runner (Olympic-gold 1924), dies at 43 (Chariots of Fire)
1993 - Ferrucci Lamborghini, car maker (Lamborghini), dies at 76
1996 - Terence Edward Armstrong, polar geographer, dies at 75 (but not Pole Dancing)

Thought of the Day

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Friday, 18 February 2011

Big Foot

Found him!!!!
Seems the police here are desparately short of crimes to solve.  Either they're too good at solving them (has a good ten minute laugh at such a preposterous idea) or the criminal fraternity has given them a few days off, just because, deep down, our criminals are just a jolly nice bunch of guys after all.

Surely this isn't going to be that difficult to solve for Scotland Yard's finest!!!!

(Whispers - I wouldn't bet on it.)

Not content with giving folks a hand, our government want to extend to Arms......ok, maybe not.

It said 250 cartridges of tear gas and other riot control equipment had been licensed for export to the Gulf state within the past nine months.

But minister Alistair Burt said there was no evidence UK teargas was used in the military crackdown on protesters.
No evidence eh???? Well, none that we could see.  "Probably shuffled underneath something, I only glanced at the paperwork m'lud".

So our beloved government are URGENTLY reviewing the fact that we sold some teargas which could well have breached human rights!!!!!!

Oh, com'on. Seriously.  What!! Were they buying the stuff so that people could put them on their mantelpieces and admire our British handiwork????

Of course they're going to be used - duh!!

AND it's a bit late to be reviewing it anyway.  They've already got the stuff, and most likely used it as well.

Oh, but of course, we wouldn't want to be seen supplying arms eh???  Not our thing.  Not cricket really.

Might as well give them legs and feet as well (the police here seem to have a surplus of trainers - see above).  So they can run a mile when they get caught.

On this day

1676 - Kings Charles II & Louis XIV sign secret treaty (erm, it ain't no secret cause we know about it!!)
1924 - Johnny Weissmuller sets 100-yard freestyle record (52.4 seconds) - (Good ol Tarzan)
1962 - Beach Boys introduced a new musical style with their hit "Surfin" 
1967 - Beatles release "Penny Lane" & "Strawberry Fields" 
1972 - British Parliament votes to join European Common Market
1979 - China invades Vietnam 


1968 - Molly Ringwald (Ahhh, Pinkie)
1964 - Matt Dillon
1954 - John Travolta
1950 - Cybill Shephard (still Moonlighting I see)
1933 - Yoko Ono (Oh No, really)
1925 - George Kennedy
1919 - Jack Palance


Oh common.  Give me some interesting deaths to report (at least that someone's heard of)

Wednesday, 16 February 2011

It's a fair cop Guv

I have to say that the employer in this article had a good idea.  Name and shame them I say.

Could be useful for other incidents.


I gave him my services but just wasn't up for the job in hand. Put me in jail please, but don't let the screws get to me!!

(Screws - slang for prison officers)

Rent Boy

I've bent over backwards for this man, but only received the deposit.  I want the balance paid up.

Failed Husband

I use to be man enough for the post.  But she went for the post man instead.

Berlusconi not afraid

This fine up standing man (I guess his was at the time of the incident - upstanding that is) has made it know that he is not worried in the least.

But he said he was doing a favour for the then-Egyptian leader, Hosni Mubarak, because Mr Berlusconi was told the girl was Mr Mubarak's granddaughter.

I wouldn't have dropped that name into the conversation.  Look what happened to Mr Mubarak now!!

On this day

0600 - Pope Gregory the Great decrees saying "God bless You" is the 
           correct response to a sneeze 
1568 - The entire population of the Netherlands - three million people -
            was sentenced to death by the Roman Catholic Church for heresy
           (So what happened then???) 
1646 - Battle of Great Torrington, Devon - the last major battle of the first 
            English Civil War (included this as it's not too far away from where I 
            live - kind of anyway) 
1659 - First known check (£400), it is now (on display at Westminster Abbey
           (Fraud I hear you say) 
1857 - The National Deaf Mute College (later renamed Gallaudet University)
             is established in Washington, DC, becoming the first school for the 
             advanced education of the deaf (Eh!! Beg your Pardon!!)
1878 - The Silver Dollar was introduced as a U.S. coin. 
1923 - Howard Carter unseals the burial chamber of Pharaoh Tutankhamun.

1959 - John McEnroe (oh com'on - You can NOT be serious)
1957 - LeVar Burton (Blind man Jordi in Start Trek: The Next Franchise)
1942 - Kin Jong II (North Korean Leader - Nuclear Powered)


Nobody on note died on this day.  Well, they did, BUT just not famous enough.  Most inconsiderate of the well known to avoid this date like the plague I say.

Thought for the day

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.